hbomax’s pure & the nature of intrusive thoughts

I’m writing this as I watch the first episode of Pure, a 2019 HBOMax original show about a woman with primarily-obsessive OCD (“Pure-O”) with taboo intrusive thoughts. It was cancelled after one season, presumably due to low ratings, the uncomfortable subject, or simply a lack of viewers.

One of the first scenes of the first episode takes place at a party for Marnie (the lead)’s parents’ anniversary. Marnie starts to make a speech and is overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts, including some about her parents and, even worse, herself with her parents. She is visibly uncomfortable, panicking, and she leaves the party to get away from the thoughts.

As someone with sexual intrusive thoughts, this is incredibly uncomfortable to watch. It’s relatable, but it brings on my own obsessions. For those who don’t know, obsessions are recurring unwanted thoughts, ideas, or sensations that consume a lot of one’s focus, to the point where an individual can be considered to be “obsessing” over them, despite their unwillingness.

Watching Marnie’s panic and discomfort is reassuring. People sometimes claim that intrusive thoughts are true desires; it’s refreshing and comforting to see them portrayed as they truly are – terrible.

Marnie has had taboo obsessions since she was fourteen. She makes it immensely clear that they are not her choice, but rather, something she must live with and cannot make go away.

“It’s like The Sixth Sense, but I don’t see dead people. I see naked ones.”

The show is careful not to portray Marnie’s intrusive thoughts in a way that’s meant to be arousing. The music, the angles, and everything else guarantee that we are watching from Marnie’s perspective. This is not sexy. This is bad.

Marnie had never had intrusive thoughts about her family until the day of the party. It’s new and it’s horrifying. So, she leaves home. She wants to change her life around, get away from the way that these thoughts are personal and maybe get a better hold on them.

Marnie feels terrible. She blames herself for her thoughts. Most people with OCD outside of the traits thought of as “normal” feel this way. Few people know the extent of what OCD can include, and that’s painful. We’re not educated, so when our disorder begins to manifest, we have no idea what’s happening. The doctor Marnie sees assumes that she’s gay and in denial, because she brings up women first, and god, I felt that.

The show continues with Marnie experimenting with sex, trying to figure out what she wants versus what she thinks. She goes home with a woman, but has thoughts about a man as well.

I’m running out of things to say; I’m liking the show a lot but it’s difficult to talk about. I’m glad they’re displaying the complexities of OCD and how that interacts with the rest of our lives.

(I’m in the process of drafting multiple other posts. I have a lot of thoughts.)